Thursday, April 30, 2009

one more push.

i don't know why sometimes i say things that i don't even mean.


i
just
snap.


and then i want to take it back.



so it goes, the common flaw amongst us is we always want to be right. we have grown up to be self-righteous bitches and assholes that won't stop until we win, or whatever..am i right? i am pretty much so over even talking sometimes because everything has turned into a humongous right or wrong, win or lose GAME. oh yeah and can't forget when people just go off on silent treatment and i don't know what the fuck to do but yes, TALK. Keep talking, talking, talking...i could talk myself into fucking circles.


PS.
FUCK YOU.
fuck you.
FUCK YOU.



* * * *

i have officially lost it.

so basically, i think that this is impossible. why is it that i am thinking about things i don't want to think about? and why is it that we are fighting over NOTHING? i don't like it one bit and it reminds me of times and moments that i don't want to be reminded of. more and more smoke rising into the air. i don't want to think about you OR you right now. i don't want to think about any of you. i've come to the conclusion that the preconceived notions of boys and girls have switched. boys are way too publicly complicated now and girls seem more like we don't give a fuck when we do. is anyone even understanding a word i'm saying? if not, that's okay... 

I know I don't make sense all the time.



t y p e w r i t e r ;
<3
the butterflyy.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

morning lemon.

Swine Flu.
Attract good health into your life; the secret.

That's all I have to say about that.

On a lighter noteeeee (:

[1] He said he'd see me again soon, so soon. And I believe him.

[2] He came by with a sack and an extra bowl named Girth. I told him I hadn't smoked in a few days. He asked me for my sack back and put a little more in there.
[3] He seems like a talker and a listener, just the like the kind of friend I need in life.

[4] She came in my room looking for me, saying she had a nightmare. It reminded, once again, of her unconditional love and of how much she cared.

[5] The sun came out again: an endless reminder of how life is beautiful and meant to be cherished.
Every moment of it.

[6] He's always looking out for me; I'm so glad he's so there for me when he can now. The brother that I will always have.

[7] We talked for what seemed like forever about anything and everything. This isn't new to me, because I remind myself, "This is sisterhood."

[8] He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me and I knew he meant it. I don't care if it's corny, I hear music all around when I'm around him. We fight, we love. It doesn't matter at all where I am with him. My best friend.



The roof, the sun and the sky.
God bless.

Monday, April 27, 2009

6am thoughts.

a boy once asked me why i think people don't like me or ignore me.
i thought to myself, "i don't know and i don't care."
i thought again and i told him...
"i think they just don't understand me."

sometimes i don't even understand myself.


i've come to find beauty in the small things in life.
i've come to find appreciation in things that i never have before.
from every person, we can learn lessons and in turn give the same to others.

pay it forward;
people are;;

[1] he said that one day we're all going to be happy with one another. it's going to be a new generation, there won't be hate. he said he could not wait. he helps me.

[2] she is a girl that people want to be around. she brings life to the party and smiles to peoples' faces. her friendliness is contagious. yin and yang.

[3] he has a passion for music like nobody i've ever met before. his smile is huge & he brings a smile to my face. he has a different way of talking: one that most people could get lost listening to, but to me i feel like we are on the same wavelength.

[4] such good vibes. i can't even begin to explain how this person seems to bring love & fun into this world. a person that anybody would be lucky to meet.

[5] interesting. someone that seems like he has seen the world, and is open to so much. a giver, for sure.

[6] sometimes she doesn't/cannot stop laughing. she can turn a frown upside down so quick. i know she's seen and learned a lot in her life already. i learn a lot from her.

[7] unconditional love like no other.

[8] it's hard to comprehend the twists and turns, the ups and the downs... he said he's never met a girl like me. and then he walked away without turning back. tears ran down my face as i wiped them away.

[9] i'd never felt love that way before. it seemed so much my life had changed for the better.

[10] i can feel it in my bones...like this is where i am supposed to be right now, at this particular moment in time. i feel the music in me.

[11] i'd never fully appreciated life and what was in it until then. i had found bits and pieces, but nothing like when i finally opened my eyes.

[12] sunrise, sunset. the world is a beautiful place and i'm so lucky to be alive and living in it.

[13] he used to be my best friend. the one i thought i could tell everything to. but soon it became all about him and what he wanted to say. rather than him listening to me, i'd listen to him and then he'd hang up.

[14] they taught me to have respect for myself and not let anyone talk to me like i'm a little bitch... because i am anything but that.

to fully understand something, it takes more than just looking at it.
to fully understand someone, it takes more than just talking to them.
to fully understand life, it takes more than just living it.

life is a journey, not a destination.

if you don't like peanut butter sandwiches, then stop making them.


SHARING is CARING!

Reads;;
how to be happy damnit. (it has a flower on it)
[the secret
way of the peaceful warrior
the ultimate gift]

these are movies too.

listen;;
nightmares on wax
a fine frenzy
girltalk

i'm gonna go to sleep now. & later i will wake up to the sun shining, the birds chirping (like they are now) and music playing.

...i will smile and say to myself,
"today is a good day."

and indeed, it will be.

peaceasy loves. stay UP!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

this wonderful world

We live in...

I feel like nobody can really grasp the concept of our beings at this moment.

I LOVE LIFE.

Everything is so vivid and clear..it's almost scary, but it's not at all.

Controlcontrolcontrol.

I told you im never coming down.
You can't pin my wings back.

I'm a butterfly.
I spread my wings already and nothing is going to stop me.

Hearts for you all.

Share, give, love.
Peace!

this wonderful world

Saturday, April 25, 2009

a weekend to remember.

Coachella 09:
From beginning to end.

All these people from all over coming together for the same thing...

Live. Love. Listen.


I have the best friends ever :]


I don't really know what to write in here lately.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

fire.

I feel myself wanting to scream.



I need mary jane.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

on the road..

to somewhere bigger & better.
that's where we all wanna go right?
i've witnessed a lot of people, including myself at times, wanting to dream big...
but sometimes a little part of us is scared and not all the way willing.

there are those times where i've felt like i'm fucking going in circles around myself. i didnt know what to do with myself, where i wanted to go.

i still feel like that sometimes. and it's like i'll passively look to other people to show me the way, but instead i know inside that i am the only one that is going to get myself somewhere in life.

so here i am at almost 3 in the morning again, contemplating and thinking about my life and the direction i see it going in. i try not to think so much or dwell in what other people are saying or thinking...i don't have the time and i can't afford to let those things bother me.

i want to go places.

Monday, April 13, 2009

in case you didnt know,

the past doesnt just erase itself;;

the present is here and now & i love it more than i ever have.
i'm not as confused, i don't need anyone as much as i did before.

but as much as the past is gone..
it doesn't seem to be forgotten as much as i want it to.


i'm still angry.
i'm still sad.
it's not all gone
& it makes me madddddd.

BUT

i am REFUSING to let this get to me like before.
because you are nothing to me anymore.
maybe i will never know.
and i will just have to live with that.




... on a lighter note.

i heart my best friend(S).
that is two people.

they know who they are.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

effect.

falling
falling
falling
f
a
l
l
l
i
n
g



1.
you're so clueless about how i feel sometimes..
but then again, maybe i don't do such a good job at telling you when i should.


[i'm such an extremist.
i don't know when to stop sometimes.
...or even where to start.]

2.
we fight over such pointless stuff sometimes.
i think one time i heard, it's easiest to hurt the ones we love.



3.
I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT
FOR COACHELLA!


The hardest part about going to school
is getting there
and staying focused sometimes.

AHHHH, focusssssss.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

spiraling.

there are so many things i would like to do.
i wish i had more time/money to do them :S


at least..
coachella !! april171819 [:
420 is this month.
Disneyland!!?!

:D

things i am in need/wanting.
- a bigger external [:
- a mixAmatcha thingy cos i think it's cute.
- new contacts & glasseys.
- bongo bongo.

NEED
to do
my hair.
omfg.
why am i so lazy now with this?

okokok. this week.
i must finish the longest process of cleaning too.


i lag too much.
i am so accountable for this.

anyways.

SOOOOOOO MUUUUUUCH MUUUUUUSIC!
i<3it.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

not always, but all ways?

i can't even tell how i'm feeling sometimes.
peaceful anger. silent screaming becomes real.


i don't know what to say, if i should say anything, or just let it pass.
this is so confusing sometimes.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

what it is.

We are the movie.

I thought that the way I feel could only be captured in
a movie.

Everything is moving so much faster. I swear I feel infinite.


HerbaLife.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

dream come true.

sometimes life seems unreal when everything well.
it's like we've conditioned our minds to believe that nothing great can ever be real or last...


reconditioning the human mind.


i love to live
in this moment
right here
right now


:) smile sunshine!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

someone I used to know.

I've thought about it,
And I've decided it is a normal human response to be confused about this.

Why waste time over somebody you act like you don't care about?

I don't understand, and despite knowing that I just WON'T understand...I still continue to try.


I think back on the 7 months I've been home..
How things began to unravel and change ever so quickly.
I was just a baby.
You saw me so fragile and vulnerable.

I may still seem like that to you.
But let me assure you, I've built stronger skin than that.




Your loss.
Not mine.


I am going to stop believing that ill never understand...

YOU will never understand.




* * * *

I am so sick of everyone talking.
SHUT THE FUCK UP.