Whoa.

You had me thinking that it was all my fault and that I was the one that needed to change....

but now I'm beginning to feel like you were the one that changed.

**

We are always growing & I guess we just grew apart. It's sad that I don't know why I didn't see it before... or love made me believe that it was something that it wasn't anymore. Why does love do that? I'm beginning to feel like I'm not a fan. I honestly believe at this moment, right now that being single is what I need. I feel like I'm finally coming to terms (finally!) with what is going on... Took long enough but at the same I feel like it went by pretty fast. I can't believe it's been a few months since all these drastic changes were made in my life. I think I'm doing pretty well for what I'm doing.. I could always be doing better, but that's just how life goes. At least I'm moving... now I just gotta continue on and try to strive higher on that road to success along that path of happiness.

Always getting higher.

Confusion:

is the name of the game;

but I don't wanna play it.

I feel like I climb so far only to fall back down a few steps again...

but it's my own fault.

I know I need to stop this because I just end up hurting myself and confusing myself even more.

What the fuck?

I don't want to say shit,

& then I just expect myself to get over it?

We don't wanna feel used or confused, but that is where we both lose.

Crazy in the mind with a sense of calm at the same time,

Throwing our emotions down the drain just to seem sane.

Morning comes but the sun fades away,

bringing darkness to a new day.

How can we expect things to change if we're still playing this silly game?

Saying and doing things we can't take back,

Trying to move forward and not look back...

I want to stay, but I have to leave..

Leaving us stuck in the middle of this tangled web we weave.

As the leaves change color & fall to the ground,

I have begun to get used to you not being around.

Please don't make a sound.

Your voice might just lead me back to you.

I don't know if I want to hear the truth,

I have a feeling I already know.

Just wanna let it go.

I do too, but then we make it so hard.

What's going on in our minds.. in our hearts?

Right now, I can't even tell what's better-- together or apart.

A little at a time.

You never know, you know?

All you can ever do is try to change yourself for the better, and for yourself, nobody else.

I love this thing called life that I've been blessed with.

It's not always easy, that's for sure, but I know that all these challenges and hardships in the end make me a better person.

I know I'm stubborn, but I'm glad I have been able to open my mind and see.

I'm not saying I'm perfect.. far from it,

but I am grateful for all the lessons I've been learning about myself and others.

The main thing is that I need to learn how to be on my own.

I have always actually been on my own..

I have always had friends, but I think that it is in my comfort zone to keep to myself...

The truth is, I've always been afraid to let people in..

not knowing who I can trust because I learned a long time ago..

People lie.

Yet I've learned to try to see the bright side of things even when it looks like night.

What I'm tryin to say is that,

All you can ever do is trust yourself--before you try & trust or love anyone else.

One day this will all make sense.

Patience.

The more you worry about what is going to happen, the less you are able to see what is going on RIGHT NOW.

A friend told me this... thank you. Lately, it's all been about trying to rebuild myself. To be honest, there are days where I feel so empowered and I really wish I could hold onto that feeling longer because I tend to make things so difficult tripping about all the things I want to/need to do. I am trying my hardest to take my life into my hands, yet it seems I tend to get so boggled down by my thoughts sometimes. One step at a time though.

So here I go, one foot in front of the other... Head to sky, only looking forward, but staying in the moment.

Sunny days, here I come*

This is to..

Never letting another person determine my happiness.

It's easy to get caught up in the easiness of a relationship. In the beginning, when it's easy people may even start to falsely believe that it will always be that way. It is believing that things will always be easy that causes us to be so surprised when adversities arise.

The truth is nothing is ever going to stay perfect. It's all about finding the ones that are willing to accept you as you and love you for who you are.. and the willingness to sacrifice for one another because you love each other.

I gave my love away fully because I believed that it was worth it

& I still want to believe one day that love is worth it.

For now, I gotta love myself.

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Thank you for allowing me to learn through all this.

I want to be the bigger person, but at this point I am so fucking pissed because I realize all the times that you have said something but didn't mean it or it never happened.

Full of shit.

& you never apologized.

I always did.

I'm not gonna say sorry this time. I'm only sorry now for wasting our time.

Things to remember.

People do not always turn out to be the people you think they are.

Don't trust to easily, expect nothing.

Motivate yourself, depend on yourself, rely on nobody.

Love yourself above all, trust your instincts.

It is okay to have your guard up.

Learn to accept yourself for who you are,

so nobody can bring you down.

Give your all,

but don't expect it to be given in return.

Hope for the best, expect the worst.

Realize that people change and sometimes leave you behind.

Don't be the one that gets left behind.

Change can be for the better or for the worst,

always make it better.

Sometimes life does you dirty,

learn to play fair even when it gets messy

& rise up higher than ever.

See you in the clouds.

(Big shout out to the ones that have been keeping me on point. You guys are awesome & I appreciate it beyond words.)

That's love.

So, one thing I have learned about love. It's wonderful. It can build you up to make you the best that you can be... and then it can be oh-so-hard. It can make you so happy yet so mad. It can bring tears of joy and tears of pain. It can sometimes take turns that you don't realize or don't want to take. It can be a a short street or a small little avenue.. bringing you to other fascinating places. It can lead you to long winding roads that bring you back to the same spot, or even make you feel like you took a couple steps backwards. All I know about love right now is... as much as two people can be in love, there comes a time where somebody has to take a step back and realize what is going on. When things start to hurt and you feel like you've tried so hard, but you still don't want to give up... that's love. When you realize you love somebody so much that you're willing to let go and let fate take its course once again... that's love.

I truly believe that if this is what we're meant to be then one day we will be. I've convinced myself to leave you alone because I don't know what else to do. I haven't lost in hope in us; I only know that this is what I have to do now. I realize that I've been pushing and pushing and I don't want to be the cause of us ending up hating each other. I don't want to be bitter of what we had because I know what we had was real.

It breaks my heart...

But that's love. and that's life.

I wish always the best for you and me... even if there can't be a you & me right now.

"Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead."