Actions, motivations & lessons.

It is all too very often that one can get wrapped up in going through the motions, jumping through hoops... it seems as if it is just part of life. Some people might refer to this as being complacent... maybe even boring. I agree to a certain extent. All of us need to do things to get to where we want to go. Staying stagnant is a choice but also it is something that happens to the best of us.

One minute you could be so extremely motivated and ready to go, and the next minute life could knock you down so hard that you don't want to get back up. Sometimes opportunities arise and people fail to take them because of fear. How many times do I hear people say, "Just do it!" ?! However, not everyone is brave enough to do so.

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I hope to make a conscious effort to better myself. It's difficult sometimes to take cold, hard looks at yourself... not just in the mirror, but at my actions and the relationships I've built or bridges I've burned with others. I realize that none of us are perfect, although we may aspire to be. There are people who seem perfect and it is easy to compare myself to them and feel ashamed at times.

Often I find myself wanting to go back and fix all these relationships and bridges I've burned... I don't want to feel burdened with the fact that I've lost so many friends. It's hard to accept that, but at the same time... life moves on. It's not that I am not cognizant of the fact that I've lost many friends (and maybe I am to blame.) However, I've recognized that I can't just live my life moving backwards and trying to pick up the pieces.

In addition to having swallowing my pride, I don't want to feel like I am making efforts to alleviate old problems because of what other people feel about me. In the end, I know I need to do what is best for me and trust that time and all of these experiences will shape me. I hope that in the end I have taught people something... or even had them teach me. Even if we do not talk, there is always a lesson to be learned.

It can be stunning to look back on your past and realize who is still there and who still isn't.




Thank you to an old friend for motivating me to blog one more time.
(: