Confusion:

is the name of the game;

but I don't wanna play it.

I feel like I climb so far only to fall back down a few steps again...

but it's my own fault.

I know I need to stop this because I just end up hurting myself and confusing myself even more.

What the fuck?

I don't want to say shit,

& then I just expect myself to get over it?

We don't wanna feel used or confused, but that is where we both lose.

Crazy in the mind with a sense of calm at the same time,

Throwing our emotions down the drain just to seem sane.

Morning comes but the sun fades away,

bringing darkness to a new day.

How can we expect things to change if we're still playing this silly game?

Saying and doing things we can't take back,

Trying to move forward and not look back...

I want to stay, but I have to leave..

Leaving us stuck in the middle of this tangled web we weave.

As the leaves change color & fall to the ground,

I have begun to get used to you not being around.

Please don't make a sound.

Your voice might just lead me back to you.

I don't know if I want to hear the truth,

I have a feeling I already know.

Just wanna let it go.

I do too, but then we make it so hard.

What's going on in our minds.. in our hearts?

Right now, I can't even tell what's better-- together or apart.

A little at a time.

You never know, you know?

All you can ever do is try to change yourself for the better, and for yourself, nobody else.

I love this thing called life that I've been blessed with.

It's not always easy, that's for sure, but I know that all these challenges and hardships in the end make me a better person.

I know I'm stubborn, but I'm glad I have been able to open my mind and see.

I'm not saying I'm perfect.. far from it,

but I am grateful for all the lessons I've been learning about myself and others.

The main thing is that I need to learn how to be on my own.

I have always actually been on my own..

I have always had friends, but I think that it is in my comfort zone to keep to myself...

The truth is, I've always been afraid to let people in..

not knowing who I can trust because I learned a long time ago..

People lie.

Yet I've learned to try to see the bright side of things even when it looks like night.

What I'm tryin to say is that,

All you can ever do is trust yourself--before you try & trust or love anyone else.

One day this will all make sense.

Patience.

The more you worry about what is going to happen, the less you are able to see what is going on RIGHT NOW.

A friend told me this... thank you. Lately, it's all been about trying to rebuild myself. To be honest, there are days where I feel so empowered and I really wish I could hold onto that feeling longer because I tend to make things so difficult tripping about all the things I want to/need to do. I am trying my hardest to take my life into my hands, yet it seems I tend to get so boggled down by my thoughts sometimes. One step at a time though.

So here I go, one foot in front of the other... Head to sky, only looking forward, but staying in the moment.

Sunny days, here I come*

This is to..

Never letting another person determine my happiness.

It's easy to get caught up in the easiness of a relationship. In the beginning, when it's easy people may even start to falsely believe that it will always be that way. It is believing that things will always be easy that causes us to be so surprised when adversities arise.

The truth is nothing is ever going to stay perfect. It's all about finding the ones that are willing to accept you as you and love you for who you are.. and the willingness to sacrifice for one another because you love each other.

I gave my love away fully because I believed that it was worth it

& I still want to believe one day that love is worth it.

For now, I gotta love myself.

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

Thank you for allowing me to learn through all this.

I want to be the bigger person, but at this point I am so fucking pissed because I realize all the times that you have said something but didn't mean it or it never happened.

Full of shit.

& you never apologized.

I always did.

I'm not gonna say sorry this time. I'm only sorry now for wasting our time.