maybe not always.

sometimes i feel like not enough. sometimes i feel like i'm too much.

i thought, with you, i felt just right.

not tonight.

confused.

i wish i could be a kid again.

i really, really wish i could.

but then again, when i was a kid...i couldn't wait to grow up.

i wish it wasn't like that.

i am 19 years old,

and i'm still not completely sure what i want to do in life.

i didn't know right away when i was in 1st grade.

i've known i want to do many things.

help people, speak 4 different languages, do hair and make-up, take pictures, write.

is it bad that i don't know what i want to do yet?

am i wasting my life?

i don't think so.

but some people might.

i know i shouldn't care what some people think.

but i do care, about what some people think.

not everyone.

mmk. that's all i have to say right now.

ps. this is the first time i've felt so strongly emotional about this. hence, why i wrote this and posted it.

pps. this will probably be made private soon, so eat up all my emotions while you can.

the greatest song.

. you know when you hear a song and you wonder how it is that somebody could have possibly come up with it because it's so amazing? and every time you hear it, you just want to jump up and down, bob your head, clap your hands and say YEAH!!!!! you want to listen to it all the time, because every time you hear it, you hear it a different way...and it never gets old.

that is how i feel i feel about Neil Belen.

he's the best song i've ever heard.

and i am so happy that i found him.

:p

if not, then what?

type, type, type...delete.

talk talk talk... take it back.

you can't do that.

waiting.

i hardly write in this thing anymore.

i don't know.  sometimes i feel like writing helps, but sometimes i don't even know what i'm talking about, and that is just silly. i think that's the problem with a lot of us sometimes. we just talk and talk and talk but sometimes you just really have to think.

what i've been thinking about;

i'm really sick of doing nothing. i've been doing nothing for awhile now and as much as i don't like to admit it; i haven't really been acting on anything. and if there's anything i have not favored--for lack of better words--it is people that don't do shit. i know that fear and laziness are the worst excuses, they aren't even excuses. thinking back on half the shit i've been doing, i almost get angry. i need, want, crave, am going to get BALANCE. i wish finding a job was easier... but then again, i'm not really looking. this is all just stupid. i shouldn't be waiting for anyone to tell me to do things. i really detest that.

anyways, it's back to the basics for me. hopefully.

i am a beautiful, carefree & worthwhile young woman.

my purpose is to love and accept myself unconditionally while living each day to the fullest.

sometimes i feel like i've really lost sight of what's important and what i want in life.

i think it slowly comes back in pieces and i guess that's the way i'm going to learn for myself.

i wish i didn't feel like i wasted so much time, but then again... there's never a better time to start, than now. 

righttttt . ! ? . ! ?

over it.

Have you ever just felt like you were trying so hard to win someone's approval that you didn't know what to do anymore?

I know sometimes you really do have to suck up and pretend to be nice, but sometimes I just get to the point where im over it because none of it seems to work.

I want to keep trying, but I feel like I need to be constantly sacrificing my happiness. It's really not fair anymore.

I wish I could just be accepted, but that is just not going to happen.

I never thought this would get to me so bad. I never thought id be in this kind of situation...

I don't know why I'm so sad. Well, I do...but, I wish it wasn't because of that.

when my mind runs wild.

have you ever just felt angry at everything? it seems like everything is going WRONG WRONG WRONG, and you just want to scream out,

FUCK EVERYTHING.

it seems so stupid later, right? i know. i know there's ways of preventing this, but sometimes i just let loose. it's such a bad habit. there is never really one person that will just listen... eventually they get annoyed and just stop listening, or they get mad and say shit back to you. i guess i need to start writing in notebooks more, because online blogging just isn't cuttin it.

i really don't know whether i'm thinking too hard, or i can't think at all.

all i know is i'd rather be with you,

than without you.

and that it makes me mad when im mad at you because i don't want to be mad at you.