whatever you want,

I know he knows
He can have it.

I was never one to think about settling for second best, but I've found myself doing that. I tried to get rid of him by settling with the fact that I can have whoever I want too. But the truth was, I just wanted him.

Now,
Im learning and growing
And experiencing different things.
I don't have time to think about the way we went wrong..
Until his world and mine collides.
I don't mind much, I just think its kinda weird.
Honestly, I just wish it wasn't so awkward..

But there's not much I can do if he hates me.

I have a life too you know.


And if you're not in it, you don't know anything about it... so please don't try to act like you do.

dazed.

How did I get here?






I've never felt more peculiar in my life.

better off.

You had your chance so say goodbye.



Turn it up.
Turn it up.
Turn it uppppppp.


You knew me when I was a baby.
Just getting started.
Im not a baby anymore, baby.
But I gotta thank you,
Cos the time we had, I don't regret a thing.
I've accepted you as part of my past.
And if so, maybe you will be there in the future.

I hope we can be friends someday.

And to the rest of the world,
I love you too.

knowing.

i have faith that everything will work out.

and everything is going to be alright.

this is life, and i will take the good times as they come..

as well as the punches.

sometimes life gives you trouble,

and if i've learned anything in my 18 years of living...

it's to take every experience as a lesson learned.

living, loving, laughing.

i am ysabelle.

simplified chaos.

restarted.

okay fine. i give in. i'll write a real blog, of exactly how i'm feeling at this moment. don't take it personal.

so,

i'm pretty sure all i needed was rest.

i know in time that this feeling/these feelings will pass, but i can't say that i am used to them. and i'm definitely not used to the actions my mind and body has been taking in order to try to get rid of them.

it's not that i feel incomplete all the time.

it's not that i feel lonely all the time.

it's just that i get these waves of emotions and i don't know what to do with them.

how could you be so heartless?

to some of you. figure it out.

1 i love you, you already knowwww!

2 i can't say anything about this, and im starting to feel bad. 

3 i think i'm turning into the person you were to me. i don't know why, i don't know how to stop it, and i'm not sure if i like it. 

4 i miss the friendship man. i really do.

5 i'm not going to change because you think that i've gone crazy. you don't even know me.

6 i'm not trying to be a bitch at all. i'm sorry if i come off that way.

7 so what if you don't like me?

i am a beautiful, carefree, worthwhile & pure little butterfly. my purpose is to love and accept myself unconditionally while living each day to the fullest.

i'm gonna be who i'm gonna be.

i need some time alone.

i can't even think lately.

sunshine.

don't spend too much time worrying,

the sun is shining and the music is playing.

it doesn't matter where you are,

you're never alone.

sometimes a day alone is all i need.

it seems like this year just started,

but the month of January is already almost over.

they said, time goes fast when you're having fun.

maybe this is a dark thought...

but does that mean that life's gonna be over before i know it?

that is why,

i think,

we just need some time, sometimes

to be alone

and reflect

on what's good in life.

what's good in life?

new tunes in my ears, in the air.

home-made sandwiches.

long phone calls with close ones about everything and anything with laughter resounding throughout both lines.

sharing music.

new things.

new people.

happiness.

being at the top of the world.

being in my car.

singing at the top of our lungs.

blowing smoke.

smiling.

dancing.

laughing.

not giving a fuck what they think or say.

c'est la vie.

keeping me focused.

The sound of your voice helps me get home even if you're not around.

"Are you awake?"
"Drive safe."

I drive along the road hoping the next time I hear your voice I see you.

Silence.
And then I wake up.


I always feel fine.
<3



1.)
Im everything you shouldn't be around,
But you're everything I could ask for right now.

free.

I suddenly felt trapped,
Like he was really trying to make life miserable for me just for the hell of it.

But in that next moment, I felt liberated.
I knew I wasn't about to let him prevent life or love, anything from coming to me.

She said,

"Oh, the wind beneath my wings, or the wind that's pushing me far, far away. You're neither strong enough nor important enough to make me give up flying.

I'll find another way to fly."


In this world of infinite possibilities, you cannot always think it's about you.
But I guess you can,
Since you're so extremely predictable.

Today I realized something!
And Im not gonna say...
Because actions speak louder than words!



3685.

live.

Life on the edge.
Birds flock over me to get to the other side of the park.
I tell myself one day ill fly again too.
A butterfly in my mind flutters through my body
She reminds me that my life is precious.

Contemplating on the way clouds are formed and the noises the leaves on the trees make.

I am told too much and I listen too little.
All I can say is "im sorry."

But,
I don't feel so bad.





Additions,

It's been a while since I've had such a good conversation with someone that wasn't on drugs, and actually knew what they were talking about. It was refreshing. I liked it. And it is a nice thought to think there could be more of these to come.



Ps.
Don't you dare start to say that I fucked up.
YOU FUCKED UP.
When you decided to stop being a friend,
Proving me right,
That you're just the same as anyone I've ever known.
So don't come around tryna act like this is about you.
I try so hard to pretend you don't exist to me anymore,
But you're everywhere so im just going to accept we live in the same world and move along.


I've got friends here,
That'll help me pull through.

I don't know

Where I am
But im glad its not with you.

what happened

To naivety.
She knows too much now.
Everything is so cliche to her now.
Nothing is new.
Everything is free.
She's always everywhere
But so unsure.
Shed rather be alone sometimes.
She thinks she's the only one who wishes this.
But everyone needs to be alone once in awhile.
Live and learn,
love and let it burn.
Sometimes we get hurt.
We move along and sing the song,

Off the train tracks.
Stomping.
Windows crash.
Door slams.
Door opens.
Close.

Emotions turn on.
Blink away.
Off.
She wipes away the tears.
And hopes nobody hears.

That she lies awake at night.
And wipes the tears way out of sight.

disconnect.

So, today I was thinking...
How it can be so hard to connect with other sometimes,
Because they make it either too easy or too difficult.
I want somebody who can hold my attention,
Who will make an effort to keep me around..
So id feel id want to do the same for them.


im a butterfly,
im letting life come to me.


Please don't tell me how to live my life,
I don't tell you how to live yours.


If love was really everywhere, then there wouldn't be so many problems.

Give love.
Take love.

Give and take love.

wreckage.

So I once thought I was intelligent.
Until all kinds of stupid happened tonight.


It's all good, it's all in good fun. Haaaaaaa.


But hey, we live and we learn or we crash and we burn.


Thankfully, I lived and learned and drove us home safely.


I came home to an empty room and thought my sister was like fucking kidnapped only to find out she went to sleep in another room. Can't handle the craze right now. It's 445 and I need to pack to get outta here. Seems like its been a weekly thing to escape from this area for something bigger and better.


Santa barbara baby. That's where im gonnnnna be!


Until next time babies.

clarity.

life is good.



False faces?

sick.

Im sick, its a joke. I don't even care about anything, I just want to get better. I haven't done anything really in the past 2 days except try to get better. Resting isn't helping. Not smoking or doing any drugs isn't helping. Drinking so many damn fluids isn't helping. What the FUCK! Like I don't know what to do anymore... im going to the store later to find some non gaggable throat medicine. Im over cough syrup after that last incident. Oh yeah, and some tea&honey. It hurts to even drink right now. What a bitch. I hate that im so negative lately. Mind over matter though! Santa barbara tomorrow babyyyy! Lalalalala.



Don't you say that I've gone crazy,
Cos I haven't gone crazy yet.

so,

Everythings sorta messy right now, but yeah.

I just need to go to sleep for a few days, and then it's up to sb we go!






Wake me up when it's time to shine.

the best.

NO TIME TO SLEEP.

Someday we'll all have intelligent conversations while smoking cigarettes and listening to wonderful music. Love, everywhere. And then you'll watch me flutter away and come back for another song. Everything does not make sense, nothing always makes sense. Stay awake, stay awake. Just close your eyes and wake the fuck up! Everything is everywhere.

busy busy.

Everything suddenly makes so much SENSE!



I love how things are going.
Maybe, perhaps, because...

I DON'T GIVE A FUHHHH.


Take only what you neeeeeeed from it!

1.

Out with the new,
In with the old.


I had a refresher today.
Somebody told me something that I thought I already knew but this seemed new.


Isn't it weird how so long ago wasn't really that long ago? Time is going out.


Voila!
Simplified chaos.