Tuesday, December 30, 2008

vast.

I imagined a time where nobody cared about the outer layers and the frosting or silver lining on anything. You were mine. Lights shined brighter and people smiled lighter. Nothing made sense, nonetheless, everything was bliss. Love was made from unknowing and uncertainty. Blossoming too quickly resulted in a slow burning suicide. One touch and it was over. I couldn't breathe, you couldn't save me. Nobody was there to see what was going on in my weightless mind. Nobody could touch me. You were just getting started and I was looking to settle down. Timing was everything even if distance meant nothing. We were caught between two lives and two different worlds. Both living to love and get lost in life. For a moment, time stood still and we could dance, live and love together. Amazing as a misery, every beginning has an ending. Since we never really, truly began, I guess we never can truly end. So, now I am lost. Lost in between worlds, dreams, and reality. What is what? Everything has turned into one endless record that broke a long time ago.

I'd miss you, if you were the same you.




I know its nothing new, bad news never had good timing.

Monday, December 29, 2008

stumped.

Miles and miles.



Everything is so weird and interesting to me up here,
Like everything is up for interpretation.


Sometimes I just want noise,
Or just quiet.

Extreme ends of the spectrum.

Sometimes I feel so angry,
Or just upset.




Insert noise here.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Friday, December 19, 2008

snow.

I am a beautiful, carefree, worthwhile and pure young woman.

My purpose is to love and accept myself unconditionally while living each day to the fullest.


Refresh.
Restart.
Reset.
Return.

Start over again.
I wish I could narrate my life like this...my thoughts just wrote themselves out instead of me having to translate letters and numbers into words.


Love life. Love life. Love life.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

revised.

I have editted this at least 3 times already.
Basically, I have everything and nothing to say.
I don't want to deal with bullshit anymore and I hate being like this.
I am never like this.
It's sad that I don't think you understand,
how different I was for you.
I put so much more out there for you than anybody else.
Everybody knows that.
Maybe everybody, except for you.

And you just proved to me once again, why I shouldn't trust you or anybody.

Fuck this. I've never tried to be so selfless and have it not be enough.
You couldn't even answer a simple question.
Am I wasting my time?

Well.
I am getting over you more everytime I think about you.
Because everything is just starting to seem more and more like BULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHIT.


The saddest part of all is that we could've been so good together, and we know that.
But fate's not on our side, and neither is anybody else.



...

Thursday, December 11, 2008

you. you. and you.

How does anyone know what anyone is talking about?
How does anyone know what I'M talking about?
How do you know if I'm really talking about you?
What if I'm talking about you?

...As in a different you.


Anyways.


Finals. No bueno.
Tomorrow=last day.
Friday=first day.

I spent this whole week (basically, minus a few exceptions & distractions) studying for my geography final...and I still have a few more pages of terms left.
I'm officially addicted to caffeine.
Oh well.



Everything's just wonderful. I'm having the time of my life.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

personal.

So, I've learned not to ever take anything personal because things are never all about me, if they involve somebody else.
It's still difficult for me to grasp this though, and as much as I try not to take things personal, with some people I almost can't even help it.
When my time is filled up and my mind doesn't have time to overanalyze and make me angry...it is easier.
But when there's downtime, and I am slipping into a coma of a bad day...it seems like it's neverending.
Everything is so personal. And I can't do a thing about it.
I won't label myself as a victim though, and you better not. I have the time to realize that it's not me.
I wish I could tell you it's okay. I know it will be, but right now...I wish I could just tell you that I feel like when you tell me, "I've just been dealing with stuff. I haven't been in the talking mood."
I almost translate it to "I don't want to talk about it with YOU."
I know that this may be a bit melodramatic...which is why I resort to spilling my thoughts here, rather than putting it on you.
Like I said, I know it WILL be okay.
I understand you have a lot to deal with.
Im glad you told me that, maybe at the expense that you thought it would give me some piece of mind...which it did, somewhat.
I just wish you understood how much you affect me; just as you once said I do to you.


Things have changed for me, but that's okay, I feel the same.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

security.

I never thought I'd get to a point like this in my life. I finally have balance, and a grasp on what I want in life. For once, I'm not relying on anybody else to make me happy. I am perfectly happy with the life I have and the people that are in it. I feel like things are real and I don't feel like I need anyone or anything, yet I am so grateful for everything and everyone in my life at this moment. I love this weather. I love this season. I love that finals are next week and I actually care enough to study and I don't care if anyone thinks I am a loser or whatever, because that is their problem. I love that break is starting in less than a week! My thoughts surprise me sometimes because I've always cared so much about the silliest, most irrelevant things.

Let's stop all the fighting, and start living & loving.