because lately,

i've been feeling so inadequate.

and it's hard to admit that.

it's hard to admit a lot of things.

to people... obviously i have a lot more to say to people i don't talk to anymore.

1. i wish things were how they used to be. but they just aren't. i worry about you sometimes too. but i can't tell you, i don't want you to get mad and say i don't know... maybe i don't know.

2. you bring out the best and worst in me. and sometimes i wish i didn't care so much about you. because sometimes i feel like i am so close to being nothing to you. 

3[to infinity] you don't know who i am at all. and i wish i could show you, but i hardly know much at all at the moment either.

4. i don't know you anymore. i don't know if i ever did. you were such a big part of my life before, and when i came home i thought you would be... but really, now, you are just another part of the past. sad, i feel like our friendship was now a waste of time. i'm sorry. i know people change, but i never expected you to be such an asshole after everything we've been through. i just thought of this. you'll never know i guess.

5. i go in and out of giving a shit about you as a person. considering that you don't seem to have any respect whatsoever for the way i feel. you are so confusing and superficial sometimes. i wish i could just tell you everything. i wish you were open for that. too bad, it's really too bad.

6. i don't know where you are anymore. i hope your life is going okay, and you've found someone or something that truly makes you happy.

honestly. there's so many people that come in and out of my life. i don't know why i'm still not used to it. i haven't felt this way in so long.

nothing else that i can put into words on here.