familiar yet unknown territory.

i wish i didn't feel like things were changing in a way that i didn't want them to. but i guess i really can't hold onto how things used to be all the time and just enjoy what the present is giving to me. i know that i'm not the only one that feels like this sometimes, but i guess i just have to remember the good and bad times for what they were, and are. i don't know if anyone really ever understands what i'm saying. sometimes when i feel like i am making perfect sense is when i feel like nobody is getting it.

but if you are, great!

anyways, isn't that what life is? experiencing things over and over but in different ways, so hopefully we know how to handle things better each time. i hate losing friends... even if sometimes i start to realize the "friends" i'm losing weren't really friends to begin with. it's still sad that we just fall apart or choose different people or things that seem more important.

i've noticed there are people i know will be there for the rest of my life. and that is just an amazing thing to think about... that there is going to be people there that can say "remember that time..." !!!

but really, for the people that have gone in and out, or left my life. it's not like i'm belittling your presence in my life at all, because i know i met you for a reason. i know that you were meant to be in my life or i was meant to be in yours, for something, even if i didn't know then or don't know now.

so, in a few days i will be another year older... last night i had a talk with my brother and it was a good one. he said 19 is a hard year.

but i said,

i am ready.