rather be abandoned than alone.

i know change only happens to those who take action, but what about when i don't know what actions to take?! i'll admit it now that i feel lost. i don't know how things got this way. i really think that whoever is out there is trying to test me by throwing all these curveballs at me... and i know that sitting here and crying about it isn't going to do anything. the truth is, i haven't felt so sad, lost or misunderstood in a long time. i haven't cared so much to be understood for awhile either. i've came to believe that if i know who i am and what i stand for then that is all that matters. however, there comes times where it feels like it's me against the world and it's easy to fall victim to what others say or think.

i'm trying really hard to be a good person. i know that nobody is perfect, although many times i wish i was.

but then again if i were perfect, i'm sure that would give many more reasons to hate me.

God, please grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things i can, & the wisdom to know the difference.

Just for today, amen.

what is that you wanted?

you think you got me so confused. but ya know.. i'm just a girl tryna do my own thing.. live my life and find what's good in it. you think that you can just walk back in and things are just gonna be the same, but i got news for ya.. it ain't. i may get confused, but i'm no fool..& i'm not gonna do things the way that anyone else do.

you think you're different? we're all different.

and i am glad as fuck--definitely not the same as you.

if you think this is about you...

you're probably right.

hahaha. ohhh the irony.

when everyone turns away.

i wish that people would be there for me as much as i try to be there for others, but i guess i really can't rely on anybody. okay.. that's not true, but the truth is there are times the whole world seems to turn its back on you. and when that happens, your mind has to be prepared. it's not that i'm afraid to be alone. i'm pretty sure i've learned to be on my own at times and it's not that bad. of course i'd rather have a companion, but that's not always an option.

i'm pretty sure i spent half of my coachella on my own. i didn't really mind it much, until the sun went down and then i think i got kinda scared. i'm just a lil girl! but yeah.. i know i'm jumping around a lot... lots on my mind.

home is supposed to be a place where you feel the most comfortable. isn't it? that's why people say they miss "home" or to make yourself feel at "home." but what happens when home becomes a place you want to run from, or the last place that you want to be?

don't tell me you know what i'm going through.

you have absolutely no idea.

this isn't about you.

this is about me. i won't make the same mistake twice. what i need is to find myself... not find out who you think i am. i want to know myself.. if you want to know me too, then that's up to you. this is my dream. my movie. my story. let's not get it twisted. there will be bumps, there will be fuck-ups, mishaps and mistakes... however, i'll try not to get so discouraged. this is my life. it will be the way i want it to be.

"who wants to be riding high

when you'll just crumble back on down.

you give up everything you are,

& even then, you don't end up far.

they make believe that everything

is exactly what it seems

but at least when you're at your worst,

you know how to feel things."

just because.

In the words of Common, "If I don't like it, I don't like it.. that don't mean that I'm hatin."

If I talk to you and am friendly with you, it does not mean that I want to go out with you. Just because I am nice to you at first, does not mean I want to talk to you forever or all the time or at any time. I may decide not to place myself around you anymore or talk to you anymore; however, I do not feel like this is me "playing games."

It's so interesting quickly someone can just assume they know you through so many first impressions. How could you even begin to "know" ME through my blog, facebook, twitter, my clothes, aim, text.. if you have never even attempted to SPEAK to me? Communication is so flawed nowadays, but I guess that's just the way we do now. I'll admit I've fallen into this, but it's something to think about.

(For myself.)

Maybe to others, it may seem that nothing has changed... but to me, a lot has. I feel so different than the way I felt a year ago. I really didn't give a fuck. I feel like I was at such a low that it didn't matter. Although I know I'm not at my "prime" or whatever, I'm not judging myself on how long it's taking me to grow up. We all learn things on our own time, and I'm just doing me! So yeah, anyone out there...if you're trying to change anyone, maybe you should take a fine look at yourSELF because that is the only person you really have full control over. And if you can't love yourself, then you can't love anybody.

BY THE WAY. who the fuck is from MENTONE?! where the fuck is that anyways. Thanks for super creepin on my blog all the time.. lmao. Reveal yourself!

who are you?

I used to think that going out as much as possible was a measure of how great or cool of a person I was. Thankfully, I've grown out of that.

You may think everybody is your friend; however, if you have no clue who you are at the end of the day without the help of others-- You are just as lost as you pretend not to be.

"I can't come down.. even if you wanted me to."

<3